Timeout
It's just too easy making fun of and laughing at Amway distributors. They do too many goofy things and then take themselves way too seriously. Timeout for some parody and humor. For those of you who don't know, L.O.C. stands for Liquid Organic Cleaner - the Amway Corporation's first product.
Disclaimer: Nothing on this site is true, except all of the things that are true. Caveat emptor!

Researchers Uncover Real Reason for
Amway Distributor Devotion - L.O.C.

Did You Know? It is not unusual in the "Amway experience" to encounter deception, non-disclosure, misrepresentation, manipulation, and abuse. The "system" knows how to keep weak minds in the business, and demonize those who leave. The convoluted logic of many Amway distributors defines success as "not quitting". Losing all one's money is OK, but quitting is not. Quitters are failures - there is no other life outside of Amway. One of Their Favorite Pickup Lines "Why buy things from retail stores and make somebody else rich, when you can buy from your own business, receive an average 30% discount, and make yourself rich? Er!.. well... it's not exactly 30%. Er!.. well... Yeah, even with the distributor discount you can get things cheaper at most retail stores... erk!"

Researchers have, they believe, uncovered at long last the real reason Amway distributors are so obsessively attached to Amway. A mystery for nearly 40 years, researchers think they now have the answer. Authorities we talked to believe the answer is quite simple - Amway products, specifically, L.O.C. - Liquid Orgasmic Cleaner. Using L.O.C. just makes Amway distributors... well... feel good. Darn good as a matter of fact. "Hey, if they feel that good from using Amway products, why buy from anybody else," explained one researcher. "What an intense, wonderful feeling," ejaculated head researcher, Dr. Peter Head. "This is the climax of all our hard work. The experiments were unbelievable!", he confessed. "I'm going to have to become a distributor so I can get this stuff 'wholesale'. Now I know why they're so enthusiatic about functions and weekly meetings!" Critics of the new hypothesis state that if L.O.C. were that good, everybody would be using it, not just Amway distributors. Proponents of the theory state that the Amway Corporation and its distributors generally tend to be conservative and are reticent about such matters. "They're really not very comfortable talking about such things," and inside source tells us. "They pretty much keep it to themselves." Sources indicate Madonna, the musician and Hollywood actress, is pissed, "Hey! I would have joined a long time ago if I had known about this!" Other sources indicate that Meg Ryan is currently an Amway distributor, and may have had access to L.O.C. during the filming of When Harry Met Sally. This could explain her award-winning performance in the renowned restaurant scene with Billy Crystal. Other critics of the L.O.C. hypothesis state that no Amway distributor would ever quit if L.O.C. is as good as researchers claim it is. "Hey, from what we've experienced with L.O.C.", Head said, "people that quit the Amway business are losers! What difference does it make if they're not making any money. Maybe they just had a bad upline that didn't explain ALL the benefits of the business." Editor's Note: Sometimes too much of a good thing can lead to problems. Though it's not mentioned, the editors suspect that the lady described in this article is an Amway distributor who uses L.O.C. a little too much! Love Mail Hate Mail Amway Distributors BEWARE! Dream Bustin' Sacrilege Below! Thinking About Joining Amway? Why It's Not 30% Cash In On Amway's Explosive Growth Amway: The Tools Business Retire In 2-5 Years: Sue Amway What Goes On Behind the Scene An Economist's Story Check This Out! Commentary The Sucker's Game The Amway Amagram We'd Like To See Whatever The Amazing Amway Anagrams Report From the Alien Watch Network Other Amway Fans The Amway $ite With No Name The Other Side of the Plan AMO's: The Nightmare Builders Amway: The Untold Story Amway -- A Different Gospel The Amway Page The Perils of Amway Lowndes in 98 Home Page MLM Survivors Homepage Disenchanted Dreamers WWDB and the things they'll say Peter Sommer's Amway Page Amway: An Insider's Perspective Jackie's Amway Info Page Canadian Amway Web Site The Broke-Loser Family Diana & Joe's Place The nearly Amway story Little Candle Light in Japan Pyramid Pages Amway - Just say no "Fun at Thingy" Mirror AUS Mirror site Russell Glasser's Mirror Disenchanted Dreamers You're pod person number to visit this page. Not really, but it sure does look impressive! Want a bite to eat? Check out the White Trash Cafe.

On the Prowl for New Recruits (Oh, good! Here comes a likely sucker.) "Say, don't I know you from somewhere? You look awfully familiar. I'm looking for some sharp people to expand my business with. Do you ever look for ways to diversify your income? Say what!? Is it Amway? Er, well, it's like Amway." (heh-heh!) "Amway's one of the companies we work with." (heh-heh!) "What!? If it looks like Amway, and smells like Amway, it probably is Amway!" (#%&*#@& broke loser!) Appropriate Responses "Buy at wholesale an average 30% cheaper than retail!? Bwa-ha-ha-ha!..." "Retire in 2-5 years!? Bwa-ha-ha-ha!..." "Best business opportunity in the world?!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-h Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!..."